i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
