So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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