Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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