i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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