I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
