I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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