You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
