Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
