life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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