she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
