i always forget guys have bellybuttons
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
