Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the day after is always just damage control
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
