remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
