This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
