just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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