Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
