found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
