found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
