I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
