Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Randomize
