The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize