i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
