I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
