She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
