I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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