come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
