her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
