So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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