dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she pinky promised me she was 18
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
