yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
