Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
