Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
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turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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