u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
