I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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