we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
