We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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