God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize