id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
