I feel like I'm in dance class right now
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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