Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
