You just made me feel so damn special
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
