I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
