youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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