using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
