My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
