Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
