Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
