the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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