If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
