Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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