I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize
