I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
