Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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