she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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