make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
