please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
