atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
