So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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