Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
