i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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