Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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