saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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