AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
