Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
