You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
