He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Boobs speak an international language.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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