Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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