Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
