He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
