Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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