Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
