I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
