if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
