Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
