i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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